My post about CafeMom discriminating against dads sparked quite a reaction from many CafeMom elitists members. I was called “CafeMom Spy” and “idiot”. Yikes.
I got some support from some of my dad peeps - Bill and Jason. And, lo and behold, I got supportive comments from some moms, too. Thank you Vicky and Jenny. I’m glad I’m not alone on this one.
I still maintain that CafeMom’s policy is ridiculous. Certainly, any group of individuals should be allowed to create a community just for them. If women want a women only club, so be it.
But, if you have a policy against men, you need to have a way to actually know if someone is a woman. Uh, hello, the internet is anonymous. There is no way to tell someone’s sex simply by their user name or email. CafeMom didn’t even ask if I was a woman when I registered. They just assumed based on the name I gave them. If I really wanted to, I could pick something that sounds like a mom, just so I could register (btw, I haven’t done this, so I guess I’m not a spy). So I ask again, how is this policy not ridiculous?
Tell me, how does CafeMom’s policy apply to the pregnant man? Yes, pregnant man. Born a female, legally becomes a man with help of hormones and surgery, then carries a baby.
One of the comments asked “why a guy would want to join CafeMom in the first place?”. I say, why wouldn’t he? By their own press, CafeMom is the leading parenting site on the internet - passing mainstream sites like iVillage and Babycenter. Guess what, I’m also registered at iVillage and Babycenter.
The funny thing is, CafeMom was started by two men! I guess they aren’t allowed to register and participate on the site either.
23 responses so far ↓
1 Will // Apr 29, 2008 at 11:45 pm
And yet if men exclude women from a dadcentric parenting website, he’d be lynched and Oprah would do an hour on it.
2 rob // Apr 30, 2008 at 12:34 am
Not only unfair, their policy is probably illegal in the US. If I were to start a site and had the provision that only men could join, there would be a backlash of Mutha’s out there whining about unfair to wommen, sexism . Contact a lawyer and sue their mommy butts!
3 Rebecca // Apr 30, 2008 at 4:03 am
This is just plainly ridiculous! I read the first post and thought, LOL, but nothing more. Imagine my reaction to go back and see mothers calling you an idiot for wanting to access a site that declares itself the best on the web! So, as a man, you’re not supposed to want to talk about child related issues, in case these women feel they are talking to their husbands? Do they even have husbands? With that attitude, if I was a man I think I’d run a mile. I hope they don’t have daughters, because imagine the man hating generation that would spawn over their mother calling someone a SPY because they wanted to join a website that had MOM in the name! Even if this person was a, shock horror, MALE! Who did his best to raise his children in the best way possible. I guess you guys just aren’t capable of that unless you’re a MOM! Get yourself that honoured title guys, and you might be allowed to join this website. With that attitude, you’re probably best off bypassing them anyway. I think you should start CafeDad and boycott all those with a female sounding name, hehehehe! OK, rant over now!
4 Rebecca // Apr 30, 2008 at 9:05 am
Oh, and by the way….am I a man or am I a woman? Just because my name is Rebecca and said earlier if I was a man I’d run a mile……am I lying? I might be. I might not be. See how easy it would be for me to join CafeMom, even if I am a man! But I might not be….you just don’t know!
5 Anne // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:38 am
SuburbanDaddy, I know you strive to maintain objectivity and fairness on this blog, so I apologize in advance for this post. I just can’t help myself. My blood just ran cold when I read your post and the responses. I’m stunned. And obviously naive.
I’ve never met people like divasis02 and Nichole in my life, unless of course these are people who act one way in public and completely differently online.
However, since they plainly stereotype against people without breasts, I’m sure they won’t mind if I share my mental image of these delightful ladies here. They are blonde. They donate to Jerry Falwell’s memorial fund regularly. They use the Rhythm Method and are certain their husbands haven’t cheated on them. It’s simply rash. They boycott Google because they believe that the new Street View feature is actually a live camera into their living rooms, in which they store leather belts for beating their children into submission. (If it was good enough for them, it was good enough for their kids. Time out is for liberals.)
Oh, and Razberry? The Internet is not for Sanctuaries. Intranets are. Get a dictionary.
6 Trysha // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:45 am
The lamest part is that it’s a site created by men! Damn you Andrew Shue!
I knew ever since he cheated on Courtney Thorne Smith on Melrose Place he couldn’t be trusted!!
7 Bill // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:48 am
I should join. See what they do with my URL…
Bill
billandjill.com
8 jason // Apr 30, 2008 at 4:56 pm
It’s all about being a devoted parent accessing resources and sharing insights for the betterment of parenting. Gender should not be an issue.
9 Michelle // Apr 30, 2008 at 6:04 pm
As a CafeMom member, I can understand both sides of the story. CM is having a really hard time with fakes and hoaxes right now, making us ‘real moms’ feel vulnerable and deceived. I don’t think you’re an “idiot” for wanting to join one of the best parenting websites out there, though
10 mommy // Apr 30, 2008 at 7:52 pm
If cafemom let men on it would be a freakfest..all the pervs would come out of the woodwork,we put pictures of our kids on there we dont need a pedophile looking at them
11 Maggie // Apr 30, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Last time I checked, pedophile did not have a gender-specific definition. There are male AND female perverts out there–if people are worried about perverts seeing their kids’ pictures and other information online, then maybe they shouldn’t be online for the greater public to view.
There are always going to be ways to get around these kinds of “rules”…why go to the trouble to keep out the people (mom or dad) who actually have good intentions?
And what about gay relationships with 2 dads who are looking for a maternal perspective on their parenting–should they should be denied this valuble information (from the “leading parenting site on the internet”), as well?
12 Jenny // Apr 30, 2008 at 10:05 pm
It is ridiculous to say men shouldn’t join because they might be pedophiles! These are people’s fathers you’re talking about. You should always be careful about what kinds of pictures you are posting of your children, because if a pedophile really wanted to join cafemom, he or she would find a way. I’d imagine it would be easy if all you need is a feminine-sounding nickname! (I’ll never know for sure because I now have no interest in joining.)
13 Rebecca // May 1, 2008 at 3:10 am
To Jenny: hear hear - I think has put a lot of women, and possibly men, who may have wanted to join, very much off of the idea! Also, she’s right, if a pervert wanted to come look at your kids then believe me he will find a way! Or she! How can you state that women are blame free! Haven’t you heard of Myra Hindley? (she may be British but I think her crimes against children are famous worldwide). Well anyway, this is completely ridiculous: well done, CafeMom members, for (hopefully) damaging your own target audience and (also hopefully) opening a few of your members’ eyes to what your parenting morals really are. Remember, without men, there wouldn’t be a CafeMom, because without men, you wouldn’t be Mom’s. Give them the respect they deserve, and maybe you could stop resorting to calling people ’spys’ because they want to do the best by their children.
14 mommy // May 1, 2008 at 11:21 am
It still wouldn’t seem right having men on cafemom,hell alot of them hardly get along with their own husbands,why would they want to deal with some male strangers BS..but this site doesnt let women join..go bash on them for a while http://www.daddys-den.com/
15 tanyetta // May 1, 2008 at 4:46 pm
this is crazy!
16 Will // May 2, 2008 at 9:50 am
Mommy,
One of the major differences is that Daddy’s Den (which truly is a horrible dad site) doesn’t tout itself as the best PARENTING site on the internet, Cafe Mom does. If it’s a parenting site, what justification is there for excluding half of parents? Just because I have outdoor plumbing instead of indoor doesn’t make me less of a parent.
17 vicky // May 2, 2008 at 10:38 am
Male strangers BS? How about Female strangers BS? I honestly feel sorry for the moms that do not get along with their husband/partner…. sounds like they need a “therapy site,” not a “parenting-site.” (I honestly do not mean that to be ugly towards anyone.)
18 Aruni // May 2, 2008 at 6:02 pm
This is really crazy. As women we don’t want to be excluded so why should we exclude men?
Anyway, this makes me want to start a social site for parents run by women for parents of any race, creed, nationality, color, religion, etc. can join!
If people think the info they put on sites like CafeMom and facebook aren’t public they might be surprised what actually does show up on the http://WWW.
19 Spacemom // May 2, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Dude, that is just so wrong, to be told you can’t join club mom, not that you wanted to join.
Parenting is parenting. Get over it dudettes
20 James from Babyspot.com // May 2, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Very Well said!!
21 Jamie // May 24, 2008 at 12:06 am
I just wanna say @rob — cafemom’s behavior is most certainly unfair and ridiculous but it is most certainly not illegal.
22 Lily // Jun 29, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I was a member of cafemom.com for 3 weeks until today! I was told that one of my post contained a word that was a derogatory slur against disabled people, however I didn’t use it in that context. So I went and checked out their terms of service and in there it does state that anything posted in a hateful way or against anyone of race, religion so on and so forth would be deleted, but I ma not a hateful or racist and didn’t at all use it in that way. So I canceled my membership because I felt they were bing too sensitive and explained to them that if they were going to take down my posts then they should take down any post with a curse word in it because that may offend others too. But getting to the point! In their Terms of Service it states that cafemom.com does not discriminate again race, religion, sexual preference and gender and in your case you were very much discriminated against because of your gender in which you only claimed it by your screen name. They should really go back and read through their own words before canceling someone’s account.
23 Lily // Jun 29, 2008 at 4:49 pm
oh and if it’s going to claim that they are the leading parent site then it should be for PARENTS! They should say the leading website for MOTHERS! And has anyone seen some of the bulletins posted there? A lot of them have absolutely nothing to do with motherhood or parenting at all!
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