SuburbanDaddy

OK parents, let’s see if you can figure this out.

Here are two images of ordinary objects in our house.  One is a garbage can on top of the kitchen counter.  The other is a kid-sized picnic table on top of a porch table.

This is the way we keep these two items every day.  Can you guess why?

Kids are always complaining that there are too many rules to follow.  No running in the house.  No fighting with your brother.  No putting your fingers up your nose.

As I picked up the Things at daycare one day, I realized there are an awful lot of rules that I have to follow, too.

Rule #1: Bring snacks for the ride home.  Sure, it may not be the best idea before dinner, but it isn’t worth the price of crying and whining I’ll pay if I don’t have them.

Rule #2: Snacks must be the same, and that means the same size. God forbid Thing 1 or Thing 2 thinks they have the smaller snack.  If snacks are a sandwich bag of animal crackers, for example, the bags need to have the same number of crackers in them.

Rule #3: Go to Thing 1’s classroom before Thing 2’s.  I don’t know if it’s the break from the routine, or, more likely, that Thing 1 thinks he “wins” if he is first.  Failure to follow Rule #3 would most certainly result in another four year old meltdown.

Rule #4: There will be a fight to be first into the car. Not so much a rule as a statement of fact.  Thing 1 and 2 will push, claw, and grab each other to get into the car first.  Followed by the winner’s taunting of “I win”, to the loser’s crying.  Luckily I have something of value to hold over them to get them to quiet down (see Rule #1).

Rule #5: Daddy Eats Dinner Last. The kids eat first.  Then there are baths to be given.  Fights to be broken up.  Finally, after Thing 3 is down for the night, I can start to make my dinner.  Of course, as soon as Thing 1 and Thing 2 see it, they want some.  Which brings us to…

Rule #6: Always make more food than I can eat because I will end up giving most away.

I think I’d rather have the kids’ rules.

After such a restful vacation last year (see Vacationing With Kids Is No Vacation), we’ve decided to do it again. This year we’re going to Bethany Beach in Delaware. Bethany is known as The Quiet Resort but I don’t think there will be a lot of quiet in our house.

When a three year old is in tantrum mode, the laws of reason and logic don’t apply.

SuburbanDaddy: When you calm down, you can have it back.

It doesn’t matter what “it” is. Could be a toy, pillow, or piece of dirt.

Thing 2: Stop talking. Stop taaalkiiing [whining]

SuburbanDaddy: I can talk if I want. Why don’t you go to the family room?

Thing 2: But then I can’t hear you.

SuburbanDaddy: I thought that’s what you wanted?

[Begin 10 minute meltdown]

I read an interesting article that suggests parents are less likely to report being happy than the childless.

In Daniel Gilbert’s 2006 book “Stumbling on Happiness,” the Harvard professor of psychology looks at several studies and concludes that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child—and increases only when the last child has left home.

No group of parents—married, single, step or even empty nest—reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children. It’s such a counterintuitive finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they’re not

I’m not sure how to take these results. I suppose it’s up to the individual. Certainly, anyone who wants to have kids but can’t for whatever reason, won’t be very happy.

I can also see how people with kids are subjected to stresses - money, time, sleep - that the childless are not. If stress level is the measure of happiness, then kids aren’t going to help that measure.

To borrow from William Jefferson Clinton, it depends on what the meaning of the word happy is.

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I probably should not be telling this story. There are some things we are better off not knowing. I don’t need to know how hotdogs are made. They just taste so good. And I don’t want to hear about what happens in restaurant kitchens. I just want to enjoy a meal out.

After taking Thing 1 and Thing 2 to the pool in the morning, I thought we’d go by this new Burger King with the biggest, two story play place I’ve ever seen. After which, they would surely be wiped out and the rest of my Saturday would be easy.

This play place had 4 levels of tunnels, slides, and climbing. There was actually a sign that said maximum capacity was 215 people! Surely that can’t be right. The Things were loving it. They played for almost 30 minutes before deciding it was time to eat.

[Read more →]

In a recent post, I tried to convey a typical conversation with Thing 2 while driving home from preschool. As promised, I put the daddy cam in my car one day, so you can see first hand.

It’s actually surprising how well the video came out, considering I was holding the camera with one and and driving with the other. Don’t try this at home.

What would a first birthday be without the “first cake” ritual? In this case it was a cupcake, but the end result is the same.

Happy Birthday Thing 3!