Category: stories

30 Trapezoids

As a parent, you often find yourself doing things which to the casual observer would seem ridiculous. But, to you, there is a very logical, rational explanation.

Case in point: Tonight, I had to draw 30 trapezoids on a piece of paper before Thing 1 would go to bed. Seem a little strange? Not at all.

We’ve been using potty charts with good results. Each successful potty trip results in a sticker on the chart. Fill up the chart and the reward is a trip to the toy store. The charts get bigger each time, so more stickers are required to fill them up.

So, where do the trapezoids come in?

Each time we use different shapes on the chart. This time, Thing 1 decided he wanted to have trapezoids. Since it would take forever for him to draw so many trapezoids (we are up to 30), I did it. Then he puts in the numbers.

Like I said. Perfectly, logical reason.

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Weekend Update

First update on the big weekend. Thing 2 was very excited to be wearing big boy underwear. He picked Thomas The Train. He was even more excited when he saw the bag of Oreos. He gets one every time he goes potty.

The Oreos were an instant success. He went pee pee in the potty! Everyone is happy.

Thirty minutes later, a setback. Thomas The Train is full of poop. I clean Thing 2 up and next up is Elmo. I think Thing 2 thinks there is an endless supply of underwear, like diapers, and after an accident he gets to pick a new pair.

Hmm. Maybe I need to rethink the strategy. We’ll stick with it for the rest of the day.

Not Smarter Than A Four Year Old

transformer.jpg I just spent the last 45 minutes trying, unsuccessfully, to turn Optimus Prime from a robot into a truck. In case you didn’t know, Optimus Prime is the “largest, strongest, and wisest of all Autobots”.? Duh.

My four year old can do it. All his four year old friends can do it. But, despite a degree in mechanical engineering, SuburbanDaddy cannot.

And it isn’t just transformers. Thing 1 consistently, as in every single time, beats me in a card matching game. You know the one where all the cards are face down, and you turn two over at a time, trying to get a match. After each match, he likes to give updates, like Daddy, I have 10 matches. You only have 3.

I am definitely NOT smarter than a four year old.

Morning Surprise

Thing 2 wakes up early, usually around 5:30am, and likes to come into our room. It may seem like an early wake up call, but it’s much better than him waking up at 5:30am and screaming until we get him.

He’s very snuggly in the morning, and he likes to lay between SuburbanMommy and me, alternating between sharing her pillow and mine. Often he falls asleep, or sometimes we turn on Mickey Mouse.

Today, he did all of those things, then this happened.

Thing 2: I need to go pee pee

This was a breakthrough, he never asks to go potty. My immediate response was

Daddy: OK, let’s go!

Then, after a few seconds the realization set in.

Daddy: Do you mean you already went pee pee?

Thing 2: Yes

Then I spotted the big wet circle in my bed.

Using Reverse Psychology On A Toddler

Toddlers are notoriously headstrong and their favorite word is “no”. Time to get dressed. No! Time to go to bed. No! Stop standing on the couch. No! Take those peas out of your nose. No! No! No!

So, what’s a parent to do? Just use reverse psychology. Reverse psychology has a complex definition. I call it simply a foolproof way to get a toddler to do anything. I find myself using it often. It really does work like a charm.

About 93.4% of the time, when I pick up the Things at daycare, Thing 2 refuses to sit in his car seat. It used to be that he fought over the brown seat, but since his older brother got a booster, now he just wants to sit in the back of the minivan.

Enter reverse psychology. After buckling the others into their seats, I tell Thing 2 to please get in his seat. Of course, the answer is No! OK I say, I’m going to leave with him out of his seat, so he’ll fall and get a boo boo when we’re driving.

At first, this was enough to get him to sit. Then he was on to me, so I began closing the doors and pretending to leave. Works every time. A couple of times I even started the engine, which sends him into hysterics, and he quickly gets into his seat. The other parents at daycare, who witness this, are probably reporting me to the authorities for driving without a car seat.

Another classic example…Most of the time, 93.4% to be exact, Thing 2 refuses to brush his teeth before bed. Instead, he likes to run and “hide” in his room. Not a problem. I just tell him I am going to brush his teeth without him, and proceed to the bathroom and turn on the faucet. He comes running every time.

Never mind that brushing his teeth without him makes no sense. To a toddler, it’s excruciating to think something, anything, will be done without him.

The possibilities are endless. To work effectively, you have to make sure to “sell it”. Start the car if they won’t sit down. Start putting on their pants when they refuse to get dressed. Put the pants on your head if necessary.

The key is letting a toddler think they are in control, which, obviously, is not the case. I’m the daddy. I’m in control. Wait a minute, I’m wearing toddler pants on my head and brushing my teeth with a Dora The Explorer toothbrush. So, who is in control?

Aliens Still Have My Kid

The aliens returned two, but still have one.

At dinner tonight, Thing 1 ate all his fruit and vegetables. No bargaining, no pleading, no bribery. Then he had a bath, and asked to go to bed. At 7pm. No bargaining, no pleading, no bribery.

Usually, Thing 1 insists he go to bed after his two younger brothers because he is the biggest. Not tonight.

I like the alien Thing 1 that’s been with us for almost a week. He listens, helps, and cleans up. He plays nicely with his brother. But I know what the aliens are dealing with up there. This and this and this. It’s only a matter of time before Alien Daddy sends him back. Oh well, I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

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Preschoolers Communicate In Subtle Ways

Thing 1 is hardly the Great Communicator. We usually need to pry information from him, and then it’s only 50% accurate and 50% preschooler imagination. But recently I’ve discovered he has his own, subtle way of communicating.

Yesterday he had a not so good day at preschool. We received the dreaded “incident report”, where I have to sign the report detailing his transgressions. It reminds me of the time SuburbanDaddy had to learn of his drunken, uh, transgressions, by reading the college police report the next day. But that’s a story for another time.

Thing 1’s transgressions were calling another boy “weird”, and not keeping his hands to himself. We had The Talk after dinner about his behavior, about treating people nicely etc., and it seemed to register. But we can never tell with Thing 1 because he just gets so quiet.

When it came time to pick the book to read before bed, he wanted to read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. He asked a lot of questions about why Alexander was having a bad day.

Then, it occurred to me that whenever Thing 1 has a bad day, he always picks this book to read! It seems to make him feel better when he sees Alexander have the same thing happen to him. And then he’s OK for while, until The Talk wears off, and we get another “incident report”.