Category: kids say the funniest

Kids And The City

Considering the name of this website, it’s no surprise that my kids are 100% suburban.? They are very much at home in a Target or Home Depot.? They know the difference between Panera and Starbucks.

We are only about 30 miles outside of a large city, Washington DC, but it may as well be 300 miles or some make believe place on television, since we stay mostly within our suburban world.? So we try to expose them to surroundings outside the suburbs, taking trips to the National Zoo or museums.

Last week we went to the National Museum of Natural History.? The museum was interesting enough to The Things.? The dinosaur skeletons are always a big hit.? But by far the highlights of the trip were the city elements we encountered.? To them, it was like an adventure to some far away place. Continue reading Kids And The City

Kids Say The Funniest Things #8

When a three year old is in tantrum mode, the laws of reason and logic don’t apply.

SuburbanDaddy: When you calm down, you can have it back.

It doesn’t matter what “it” is. Could be a toy, pillow, or piece of dirt.

Thing 2: Stop talking. Stop taaalkiiing [whining]

SuburbanDaddy: I can talk if I want. Why don’t you go to the family room?

Thing 2: But then I can’t hear you.

SuburbanDaddy: I thought that’s what you wanted?

[Begin 10 minute meltdown]

Morning Surprise

Thing 2 wakes up early, usually around 5:30am, and likes to come into our room. It may seem like an early wake up call, but it’s much better than him waking up at 5:30am and screaming until we get him.

He’s very snuggly in the morning, and he likes to lay between SuburbanMommy and me, alternating between sharing her pillow and mine. Often he falls asleep, or sometimes we turn on Mickey Mouse.

Today, he did all of those things, then this happened.

Thing 2: I need to go pee pee

This was a breakthrough, he never asks to go potty. My immediate response was

Daddy: OK, let’s go!

Then, after a few seconds the realization set in.

Daddy: Do you mean you already went pee pee?

Thing 2: Yes

Then I spotted the big wet circle in my bed.

Kids Say The Funniest Things #6

Thing 1 and I were at a window table at Starbucks.? He was enjoying his chocolate milk and cookie.? I had my blueberry muffin and grande green tea.? We were watching the cars in the busy parking lot go by, as the first snow of the year came down.? I guess it was a reflective moment in the mind of a four year old.? Out of the blue he remarks:

“There are too many girls in the world.? We need more boys.”

Then he took a sip of his chocolate milk.

By “world”, I think he was referring to his pre-school class, which happens to have more girls than boys.?

Kids Say The Funniest Things #5

Thing 2 often wakes up in the middle of the night, stands up in his crib, and cries until someone comes to his room. As soon as we leave the room, he starts again, until we usually break down and take him into our bed so we can get some sleep. Recently, we decided this pattern has to stop, so we let him “cry it out” one night. For two hours. When I went to get him in the morning, this is what he cheerfully said:

Thing 2: There’s no piggy!

It took until after breakfast for me to realize what he meant. A couple of months ago we went to a fall festival at a farm. They had tractor rides, pumpkins, a petting zoo, and two of the absolutely biggest pigs you’ve ever seen. There were also pig races.

Thing 2 loves animals , especially farm animals, as long as they are toys or on TV. In real life, he is terrified of dogs, cats, squirrels, birds, cows, and, yes, pigs. For several days after the trip, he kept saying “The piggies are going to get me!” when we went into the garage or basement. And I would tell him “There’s no piggy”.

Incredibly, after this one cry-it-out-for-two-hours episode, he no longer screams during the night.? I guess he just needed to make it through the night once without the pig getting him.

Kids Say The Funniest Things #4

On the way to a birthday party with Thing 1, I made a wrong turn and we were not going to make the party in time.

SuburbanDaddy: We turned the wrong way.? We’re going to be a little late.

Thing 1:? Daddy, did we go the wrong way because the directions said to go that way.? Or because you went the wrong way?

SuburbanDaddy: [no answer]

Yes, not even four years old yet, and my son is already a wise-ass.