My Kids Make Me Look Bad

People view kids as a reflection of their parents. And those people are judging us by the behaviors of our kids. Even if it isn’t our fault.

Today I picked up Thing 3 from kindergarten. As usual, he was deeply involved in an activity and not ready to leave. I told him to finish up his game and we’re leaving in 2 minutes.

Thing 3: “Daddy, you are annoying me. You’re giving me a headache.”

He said this in front of teachers and other parents. They all smiled uncomfortably. Of course, they were all thinking he was repeating what he hears us say to him.

I can assure you I’ve never said anything like that.

Sure, I may have thought it.

It very well may have been true on many occasions.

But I’ve never said it. And now his teachers and other parents think I did. This is why I get nervous whenever Thing 3 opens his mouth.

The President Shops At Costco

Living in a swing state, Virginia, near Washington DC, we’re getting a lot of attention in the media and from the presidential candidates. ? Today, Barack Obama will be in nearby Leesburg. ?The attention sparked a conversation this morning.

Me: ?Barack Obama will be in Leesburg today.

Thing 2: ?He just walks around the streets?

Me: ?No, he’ll be making a speech somewhere with a lot of people.

Thing 1: ?Maybe Costco! ?Costco is pretty big.

(We often go to Costco in Leesburg. ?And last week Robert Griffin III, new quarterback for the Redskins, was reportedly shopping at the same Costco.)

Me: ?I don’t think the president goes to Costco. ?He has people who go shopping for him.

Thing 1: ?Like his wife?

Thing 2: ?No, Mrs. Obama is a doctor

Giving Kids The Wrong Idea

Yesterday was Take Your Child To Work Day. The idea behind it is to expose kids to what their parents do at work. Maybe inspire them to discover a career and lifelong passion.

It does no such thing. At least not where I work. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great event, a day filled with fun activities that kids love because they get to spend the whole day with their parents. And they get to miss a day of school. But the only exposure to real world work is when the kids intrude on the sea of cubicle dwellers while doing the scavenger hunt.

Thing 2: “What are all those people doing just sitting there?”

Me: “They are trying to work.”

Thing 2: “They just sit there all day?”

This video is a sample of what we did all day. They also learned to play Cricket outside, watched a movie, ate ice cream, and made art projects. It was also the first time I brought Thing 3, so the real work was for me, trying to keep him from breaking stuff and wandering away. These kids are in for a big surprise in about 15 years.

Where Are The Bad Guys

There was an episode tonight where Thing 1 tried to impose his “rules” on him, so Thing 3 hit him in the face and was promptly sent to his room.

SuburbanMommy [in a stern voice]: There is no hitting in this house.

Thing 3: Then I need to go to a new house.

SuburbanMommy: What kind of house do you need to go to?

Thing 3: A house with bad guys.

Some of the bad guys he means include Darth Vader, and a dragon.

It is impossible to have a serious parent-child discussion with a kid who is constantly making you laugh.