They grow up so fast. Where does the time go? Happy 1 Week birthday, Thing 4!
Month: March 2010
Outsmarting A Two Year Old
In this picture, I just finished cleaning up. Some people may think otherwise. SuburbanMommy, for example.
But as is often the case when dealing with a two year old, there is a method to my madness. It’s part of an intricate system to outsmart and keep toys out of the path of mass destruction that is Thing 3.
He has a pattern of dumping toys, emptying bookshelves, and disturbing any sense of order in a clean room. So, I purposely dumped over the box, letting some of the blocks spill out. He’ll see it, and pass right by, content, thinking his work is already done here.
Wait a minute. His goal is a messy room. And here I am messing it up for him. Who is doing the outsmarting here?
Don’t Assume Anything
When it comes to Thing 3 it’s best not to assume anything. Don’t assume all is well in the next room just because it is quiet. Don’t assume he won’t run away from you at the mall.
And, apparently, I shouldn’t assume the shoes I put on him in the morning are the same ones he’ll be wearing when I pick him up at preschool.
Notice anything wrong with these shoes? I didn’t. Until we got home.
You might see that one is newer and cleaner. You might also notice, upon closer inspection, that one is 1 1/2 sizes bigger than the other. And, if you are really sharp (I’m not) you’ll see they are BOTH right footed.
That’s exactly what I learned only after we got home. I’m just glad to know the other parent did the same thing.
Just Enjoy The Rain
When people learned we were expecting our fourth kid in just over 6 years, the typical reaction, after the congratulations, was something like Wow, you’re crazy, I have my hands full enough with one/two/three, I can’t imagine what four would be like.
Now that Thing 4 has finally arrived and I have a full 24 hours under my belt as a father of four (wow! first time I’ve said those words), I will try to explain how I’m able to rationalize and keep my sanity. This will be another case of taking the long way home.
The first kid is a shock to the system. It turns your world upside down. Everything you want to do for yourself – watch a football game, go out to happy hour, go to the gym, hobbies – takes a backseat and it’s all about what, when, and where the kid needs to be.
With the second kid, what little of your own time you managed to carve out with one kid, is pretty much gone. People like to say you can still play a “zone defense”. But the way I see it, if you have one kid or two with you, you’re still not playing golf that day.
I attended a friend’s wedding some 10 years ago. It was an outdoor wedding, but there was a good chance for rain so they put a tent up just in case. Nobody wants rain on their wedding day but the show must go on. As we’re all sitting under the tent it began to rain, then pour, then a Noah’s Ark level deluge. At first, people tried to stay dry. They tiptoed around the puddles which were forming. The bridesmaids tried not to drag their dresses through the mud.
But then, as the reality of the situation set it, and people were already wet, and with a few cocktails in them, everyone started to not care so much about stepping in the water. Before long, everyone was splashing and dancing in the water, and standing outside the tent in the middle of the biggest downpour you can imagine. Once you are already soaking wet, what’s the point in fighting it? You may as well just sit back and enjoy it. It turned out to be one of the best weddings ever, even if SuburbanMommy did throw up in the street later that night.
Once you have more than one kid, your life is pretty much constant chaos, especially while they are still little. You are either dealing with one or more kids, at work, or sleeping. There isn’t room for much else. Adding one or two more kids won’t really change it that much. You are already wet. Just step out of the tent and enjoy yourself.
Introducing Thing 4
For those of you who have been following SuburbanDaddy for awhile, I’d like to introduce the newest addition, Thing 4! I’m not sure which is bigger news – that there is a Thing 4, or that Thing 4 is a girl.
I’m happy that with three older brothers she will be very well protected in her teenage dating years. Forget about the nerves a teenage boy will feel having to face questions from her dad, SuburbanDaddy, for the first time. How about the gauntlet he will face going through Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 3.
Thing 3 already needs to be restrained if you try to take away his milk or Buzz Lightyear toy. Image what he’ll do if you make his little sister upset. Of course, with three older brothers, she will probably be pretty tough herself.
Over the next few months, I look forward to sleepless nights, spit ups, and lugging around baby gear. I also look forward to a whole new set of material that I can write about here. That’s the real reason we added a Thing 4.
Exchange Kids Clothing Online
Do you have lots of perfectly good kids clothes that are never worn because they’ve grown out of them? Of course you do. How would you like to trade them for clothes in their size?
I recently found a new website where you can do just that. ThredUP Kids is the way busy families conveniently exchange kids clothing online. ThredUP already lets you exchange adult clothing and the kids service is launching soon. You can sign up now.
Note: I did not receive any incentives to post this. I just think it’s a great idea.
If Adults Were Like Two Year Olds
Two year olds are notorious for their moody, irrational behavior. It’s called the terrible two’s for a reason. Imagine if the terrible two’s never ended. What would life be like?
Well, for starters, I certainly wouldn’t show up to work on time. I would go only when I felt like it. If I felt like it.
When I finally did get to work and walked into a meeting, late, I would immediately cause a huge uproar because someone was already sitting in the chair I wanted. When the other person refused to change seats, because they also were acting like a two year old, I would throw myself on the floor, face down, and cry for a good 5 minutes. Then I would be in the best mood ever and act as if the last 10 minutes never happened.
At lunch, I’d order my favorite meal which I would eat three times a day: ice cream. When I got the ice cream, I would get really, really mad because it was in the wrong kind of bowl. Which bowl would have been the right kind? Trick question. They are ALL the wrong kind.
On the weekend I would visit a friend’s house. When I got there, I would touch everything and climb on the furniture. I would go to their bedroom, dump out all the drawers, and change all the settings on their alarm clocks. Then I would take off my clothes and pee on the carpet. But my friend wouldn’t care, because he’d be doing the same thing.
When it was time to go home, I’d get in my car and drive on the wrong side of the street. Just because I felt like it. And, of course, I would have a piece of Tupperware on my head which I stole from my friend’s house.
Yes, life as a two year old would be pretty good.