The Disgusting Part Of Being A Parent

When new parents hear what to expect from parenthood, they know about the lack of sleep, added expenses, and time constraints. But what new parents don’t fully appreciate is just how disgusting parenting can be.

I’m not just talking of the dirty diapers and burping and spit ups a newborn goes through. That’s nothing compared with the joys of potty training once they get older. Oh, and I can easily deal with some pee on the carpet or poop that misses the bowl. What you are about to hear goes far beyond these on the disgusting scale.

Thing 1 has struggled with potty training to say the least (see this and this for some history). Recently, we stumbled upon what is possibly the source of his troubles. Who knew a four year old could become constipated? After reading up on the causes and symptoms – low fiber diet, drinks lots of milk, holds in and avoids going to point of accident – it now seems so obvious. How could we have missed it? Terrible parents.

Getting back to the disgusting part. On several occasions, when he did manage to make it to the toilet in time, the, uh, specimens, were extremely large and dried. To the point where we asked how something that big could come out of a little kid. So big, in fact, that they actually stopped up the toilet. I’ve never heard of such a thing from anyone, let alone a 4 year old. I guess it’s information you wouldn’t readily volunteer.

One time, the specimen was too big to fit through the opening at the bottom of the toilet. Even after several flushes. So I was forced to break it into pieces. Again, not information I would readily volunteer. I used a plastic knife to break it up in case you are wondering.

Another time, Thing 1 wasn’t able to make it to the bathroom in time and he had an accident. It was just a #1 accident so I promptly put his wet clothes in the washing machine. That is, I thought it was just a #1 accident. Let’s just say there were a few “pebbles” in his pants, too.

They were so dried out, they remained in pebble form throughout an entire wash cycle. And dry cycle. Yes, I put the clothes in the dryer, too. It isn’t exactly something you look for before putting wet clothes in the dryer. It was only after a day of “what is that strange smell” when I realized what had happened. Then I had to decontaminate our washer, dryer, and try to eliminate all traces of “pebbles”. Fun.

So, when I hear new parents talk about “disgusting” spit up and icky diapers, I smile and think to myself Just wait a few more years. Then you’ll know the meaning of disgusting.